A few years ago, I bought a ticket for a 1^st Class sleeper on the old Chiang Mai – Bangkok train.  I shared my double compartment with a man in the lower bunk … a man who then opened the interconnecting door to invite his wife and fifteen children from the adjoining cabin into my room.  They were joyful and noisy and welcomed me into their endless meals and songs and chatter … and all I longed for was a peaceful G&T, some soothing music and a good night’s sleep.

Nope.

A few weeks ago, I bought another 1^st Class sleeper ticket on the new (2022) Chiang Mai – Bangkok train.  Actually, I bought two tickets, so the entire 1^st Class compartment was mine – no strange (albeit cheerful) man in the lower bunk and no Rugby team of children.

A sign at Bangkok’s old Hua Lamphong railway station proudly states that:

• Travelling by train is comfort, economical, fast and safe

All of these certainly applied to my recent journey. 

Paying for both berths in my cabin for the thirteen-hour journey cost about THB 3000 – or about AU$150.  A one-way economy flight on a discount airline costs about AU$80.00 or about half the expense of the 1^st Class train – but no flight comes with in-room meals, endless entertainment, a good night’s sleep with a scalding hot shower in the morning, and none is city-centre to city-centre.

It’s 1800 – stand for the National Anthem

Every evening at 6.00 pm, the Thai National Anthem is played in supermarkets, shopping centres, on street-side loudspeakers and at Thai railways stations.  My train was due to depart from Chiang Mai at 1800 … and at 1800 the anthem belted out of loudspeakers, and I was faced with a bit of a quandry:

• No one could see me in my private compartment … no one would know if I just sat there and finished off my pre-departure G&T …  What to do …?  Does anyone hear a tree falling in a forest if there is no one there to see it fall …?

So I stood, alone, and feeling rather silly in my little room … but I stood for the anthem … and then the train wound itself up and got itself going, and the final notes of the anthem were squished by the strident call of a train trying to tell the cows and motorbikes and passing cars to get off the railway line.

First or Second?

The 2^nd Class sleepers are probably just as comfortable – especially the lower bunks that are a bit wider than the uppers – and are considerably cheaper than those in 1^st Class, but privacy is lacking.  A flimsy curtain is all that separates sleepers from randy corridor roamers, assorted masked assassins and cat burglars … and crying children.

In my compartment there were two berths but as I was by myself, I used just the lower berth.  The cabin had a television monitor giving vital information – the train’s speed (at that stage a stately 95 kmh), temperature outside, the name of the next station and all importantly, little signs indicated if the WC and urinal and shower were being used or not.  By selecting other screens, passengers could keep track of the journey as a tiny little blue train icon crawled slug-like along a GPS-controlled green line draped between railway stations and around mountain ranges.

The 1^st Class carriage had a dozen cabins (six interconnected quadruple rooms) along with those important bathroom facilities.  The 750 km journey took about thirteen hours, so loo breaks were necessary.  Thankfully the little TV signs told me when I could dash down the corridor and not have to queue with other passengers nervously crossing their knees and grimacing in pain waiting for an available lavatory.

Khun Boo, the restaurant car attendant, popped into my room to discuss meal times.  As the usual rules of time telling do not apply in Thailand, things got a little awkward.  In English there is “am” and “pm”.  In Thailand the day is chopped into about five divisions, so a non-Thai cannot just say “Five o’clock” as this would mean nothing to a Thai.

Eventually, and after using sign language, a pair of multi-coloured semaphore flags and three sundials, Khun Boo and I agreed when my meals would be served.

• In the end none of this really mattered … as she simply served the meals when she felt like it.

On the road again

Heading south from Chiang Mai, the train passed through dried-out faded and jaundiced yellowed rice fields (the wet season was due to start a week after my journey), lush fruit orchards, roadside stalls, gated housing estates and stand-alone teak houses on tall stilts, numerous and probably compulsory huge portraits of the current King and even more portraits of the much-loved late King.  Occasional gold-leaf-covered stupas peeped above the trees, and flip-flop-wearing bare-headed motorbike riders wove their dangerous way along country roads at speeds that left my train reeling in dismay.

About half an hour into the journey tickets were inspected.

Perhaps because of those possible assassins and cat burglars, the carriage attendant was accompanied by several members of the Railway Police – large men carrying large automatic weapons.  Strangely, I felt quite safe – but I did hide my G&T behind a bottle of innocent water, as smoking and the consumption of alcohol were forbidden on the train.

Sunset came half an hour later with a spectacular display as the sun slipped behind the mountains, and the train began its climb up the Doi Khun Tan mountain range. 

The main superhighway from Chiang Mai sweeps up and down as it aims for Khun Tan and the Doi Khun Tan National Park.  At 578 m, this is the highest point on this rail or road journey.  Cars zipped along the roads, but Train 10 modestly pottered through hidden valleys at a maiden’s pace (43 kmh according to the monitor) without a strand of hair being blown out of place … but still arrived quite happily five minutes earlier than scheduled.  We stopped at Khun Tan for a while to give the train a chance to get its breath back.

Do not stand here

While Train 10 slowly recovered its composure, I thought I’d pop out for a stroll on the platform and pressed the carriage’s electronic door button.  Oops.  The floor fell away beneath my feet as the door swung open.  The “floor” became “stairs” and then I noticed that there was quite a large and very obvious sign telling me NOT to stand there … but I did.

It was perhaps a bit like the old sign telling travellers:  BEWARE THE CAMEL SPITS.

• He was, and it did

And on we went, grateful that the door had lots of handrails and that the conductor did not understand my pithy Anglo-Saxon ejaculations as I tumbled down on to the platform.

Khun Boo served me dinner at an appropriate time – whenever – and while I could have travelled half the length of the train to visit the very smart restaurant car, having room service was very welcome.

Terriyaki chicken, vegetable spring rolls, rice and fresh pineapple were served along with a mystery soup that I think was prawn wontons in a delightful vegetable broth.  The soup was very hot and very tasty, the chicken not so hot and not so tasty, but for THB 190 (AU$10.00) it was good value.  Breakfast the next morning was also pretty good.

Places in the dark

At Lampang lots of new travellers joined the train and shortly afterwards the carriage attendant popped in to make my bed (about 190 cm x 80 cm and with a very soft mattress) and to give me towels and blankets and soaps and to wish me goodnight.  I think that is what he said … but it could have been:

• It is now bedtime.  We are going to turn the a/c down so you’ll be too bloody cold to get out of bed, let alone press the bloody ATTENDANT CALL button to summon me from my warm bed … so goodnight, go to bed and stay there until Khun Boo decides to serve you breakfast some time before the sun has even thought about getting out of bed.

Den Chai station popped its head above the rails a bit after ten o’clock and some time later we paused at another station where a cheerful (and out of focus) staff member was in control of half a dozen huge levers that changed railway tracks and, hopefully, prevented one train from getting too intimate with any other train.

Ayutthaya

One of the wonderful former capitals of Thailand, Ayutthaya peeped through the morning mists and cold rains the next morning at five thirty. 

From the train we could see several ruined stupas but nothing could compare with spending a few days there, as I have done on several occasions.  It is a place that encourages aimless wandering, hopping on and off small boats, crossing perilous bamboo bridges and meeting saffron-clad monks chomping on  mouths-full of nails and with hands-full of hammers trying to repair the old bamboo bridges.

It is also a place where outdoor beauty treatments on the railway platform may be performed quite disdainful of the bemused stares of other travellers.

Getting there at last

After thirteen hours and 750 kilometres, at a top speed of about 101 kmh, we glommed past a gloomy Don Muang airport – formerly Bangkok’s main airport but now primarily home to the low-cost carriers – and into Bangkok’s amazing macramé of fly-overs, dive-unders and twist-and-twirl-about-for-the-hell-of-it roads.  Long-distance trains used to end up at the lovely old Italianate terminus of Hua Lamphong, but they now pant to a stop at a howling wilderness of a place quite whimsically called Krung Thep Aphiwat Central (KTAC) station.

This new terminal (opened January 2023) covers almost four hundred hectares, has about twenty-six platforms spread over four levels, capacity for high-speed trains (when they come) … and apparently only one lavatory.

On the bottom level of KTAC Station are the MRT suburban trains linking this station with others in Bangkok.  There are several rail systems in Bangkok, but they do not like one another very much.  While signs are always bilingual (Thai and English), route maps are not easy to follow and tickets or coupons for one rail service are not recognised by each other:

• Pshaw!  I spit upon your rancid black disc – show me your Rabbit Card!
• Ach!  May your Rabbit Card develop myxomatosis and die!

I followed one set of signs and hopped onto an MRT electric train, travelled a stop or two, figured I was going the wrong way, hopped off, travelled back to KTAC, whimsically also known as Bang Sue Grand Station just to keep visitors guessing.

By jumping onto and off trains – the MRT, then the Skytrain then the BTS – I eventually found myself at the Anantara Siam hotel – one of my favourite hotels in Thailand – and where a bottle of tonic water costing THB 16 in a supermarket is merrily and thoughtfully provided in the room’s mini bar at a price of THB 140.

A bucket of fresh ice cubes, however, is complimentary …

Train 10 from Chiang Mai

Is there a faster and cheaper way to get to Bangkok?

• Yes

Is there a more scenic way of travelling, a safer way of travelling, a more comfortable way of travelling? 

• No

The 2^nd Class berths are excellent value for money and offer a good degree of comfort, but the 1^st Class cabins also offer great value if you cherish a little more privacy, a little more security and a little more comfort.

I saw many kilometres of lovely countryside, I enjoyed two good meals, a great night’s sleep and a refreshing hot morning shower in my carriage … and did not see a single cat burglar during the whole time in my carriage.  The spontaneous and erratic arrival of meals told me that I was still in Asia … with all its lovely bumps and warts and all.

……………………………………..

Journey May 2023

Text and photographs © Christopher Hall June 2023

Map from the Internet

……………………………………..

In my blogs I try to present a snapshot of the places I have discovered during a brief visit.   I am not trying to present a detailed picture of the whole city or the whole region or the whole country.

……………………………………..

If you enjoyed this story please scroll down to see earlier stories and forward the blog address to your friends: www.hallomega.com

If you would like to receive automatic notification of future postings on this blog please click the FOLLOW button on your screen.

……………………………………..

If a man ascended into heaven and gazed upon the whole workings of the universe and the beauty of the stars, the marvellous sight would give him no joy if he had to keep it to himself. And yet, if only there had been someone to describe the spectacle to, it would have filled him with delight.

• Attributed to Marcus Tullius Cicero – On Friendship

……………………………………..